Hidden Beauty

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The last three weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions. My family and I were in a major car accident, then a few days later miscarried our third baby. Although there is much to process in that alone, I’m not writing about it just yet. Today I want to talk about hidden beauty, in all circumstances.

We received lots of flowers, and even an olive tree which I know the Lord will use to teach me over and over again as it grows. One day, there was a box on our porch that was labeled living organism. I immediately opened it, curious as to what I would find inside the mysterious box. Below is a picture of what I opened.

Looks kind of like aliens crawling out of the ground. I had an idea that these creatures were probably bulbs. I sent a few pictures to my mom, because she is more into growing plants than me. She assured me that these were bulbs and not aliens.

I was honestly so excited! The wonder of who these little bulbs would grow up to be entered my heart. What color flower will they produce? What type of flower will they become? Writing now reminds me of similar thoughts we have about our growing children, our unborn children while pregnant, and also the children born sleeping that we patiently wait to know.

Truth be told, only God knows the hidden beauty under the soil. We are a lot like these bulbs. Life is a lot like these bulbs. We grow and go through awkward stages, sometimes feeling like an alien. Life sometimes looks questionable, how can something beautiful come from what seems so hopeless?

Day after day I watered these bulbs and kept them in a sunny spot in our home. Each morning when I woke up, they seemed to go through a growth spurt! A few of the first buds began to appear. I was amazed that you could see the potential colors of these flowers. Below is a picture to show you how you can see the slight hues of dark purple in the middle flower, slight pink tones in the flowers on either side.

Honestly the glow up between the first and second picture is quite astonishing. I love that as the flowers grow, you can begin to see traits of who they will become. Similar to us as we grow, and transform from child, to teen, to adult. God gave each person unique qualities to worship Him, and advance His kingdom. So many of those qualities can be identified by people looking in from the outside, before we bloom.

I also think about how often when life looks questionable, we want to give up, throw in the towel, and quit the journey. It would have been easy to throw the bulbs in the first picture in the trash. But, I didn’t. Why? I had some hidden insight that these bulbs held hidden beauty. One day, they would grow, transform, and ultimately become beautiful. It would require patience, and a healthy amount of water and sunshine. I held onto the bigger vision that these bulbs were on a journey, and there was something lovely waiting for me at the end.

Similar to life, we are met by circumstance after circumstance that appears unfortunate, ugly, and desolate. But, we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good (Romans 8:28). Also, to not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap if we don’t give up (Galatians 6:9)! Something precious is birthed in patient faithfulness.

For all of us, how we suffer comes down to our intimacy with Jesus. With him, we can suffer well by clinging to the hope that only Jesus can provide. How can my tears from losing my unborn child transition from deep grief to even deeper joy? I have hope that when my little baby opened their eyes for the first time, they were greeted by the loving gaze of Jesus. Yes my heart still longs for the touch of their skin, and the sight of their cheeky smile. But I know when my time here is done, and I’m called home, there is a little one waiting for me.

It all comes down to Jesus. With Him, you can stand firm by dwelling, endure by abiding, and persevere by remaining. He is the strength of your heart.

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Something I’ve said throughout this process is the Lord continues to catch my heart. That feeling when your heart drops all the way into your stomach… it aches, and feels beyond empty. I can honestly say I have not experienced that feeling in this process and for that, I am so grateful. I pray that whatever circumstance you find yourself in today, in this moment you would feel the gentleness of Jesus holding your heart up. You are so precious in His eyes.

If you are looking for a tool to help you walk in deeper intimacy with Jesus, the book Embraced by Lysa TerKeurst is a great place to start. If you are walking through miscarriage, Grieving the Child I Never Knew is another good book. Personally, I recommend starting with Embraced.

I love you, my friend!